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TO: MOM
FROM: YUKKI
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I didn’t want to lump you with Dad so here. I’m leaving this letter on the table for a reason. Please do not mention this, no matter what. Please. I’ll run away if you do. Just read it and don’t talk about it to anyone. I don’t want to hear it. It’s embarrassing, okay?
I’m sorry for being a bad son. I mean, it’s because of me probably that the family split, right? We never actually talked about it, and I don’t want to. I know it was my fault. I’ve heard you talking to Dad at night when you thought I was sleeping like the good boy I’m not. I heard you saying, “It’s not normal for a boy to lack so much motivation. He doesn’t like to do anything!” and I heard Dad hush you and say that you know nothing about the mind of men. I don’t know how true it is, but I don’t think it’s normal for me either. I just didn’t want to say anything because that would only make things worse. I could have tried to help. I mean, I could have tried out for a sport or two. I’m no good at running, but I’m not that out of shape. It would have helped to lift weights or something like that. Maybe raise my grades in school. But I did nothing. I just remained incompetent and a waste of space. I bet it’s embarrassing to show me off at family gatherings. I bet it’s really shameful to say “Oh, look at this, it’s my good-for-nothing son that I have to romanticize because if I say anything rude, I might hurt its feelings and it might break again.”
Yeah. I’m fragile. I get it. Dad knows it, too, but he still thinks of me as something else. I can’t just “get over it” or “tough it out.” I’m not like the other kids. Sorry I’m such a failure. Sorry my grades are terrible. Sorry for not doing housework properly. It’s probably really hard to be alone without Dad. You’re a great mom though. The best, I think. You care about me, but you won’t force anything. You can be a bit embarrassing, no offense, but I still love you. I’m probably the biggest embarrassment here.
I promise, one day I’ll make it up to you. I’ll become more of a man, I’ll gain confidence. I’ll help out more, too. Promise. And my grades. I’ll study harder and socialize more too. I’ll show Dad that I’m not a loser. I’ll make him pay back his debts and get a good job so you can be home more often and take it easier. And then you guys can be together again, and we can see the stars together, just like you promised. We can be happy.
Sorry again for all the trouble I’ve caused. I’m a burden, yeah, I know. But you can never ever bring this up or else I’ll die of embarrassment. I trust you. Thanks for being such a great mom.
- — Love, your little Yukki
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TO: DAD
FROM: AMANO YUKITERU
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Hi, Dad. It’s been a while, huh? Sorry for doing a bad job of keeping in touch. It’s hard to write when Mom’s not looking because it seems like she always is. It wouldn’t be too bad if she found out I was writing to you, but you’ve done a hell of a fine job breaking her. She misses you. A lot. It wouldn’t hurt to visit every now and then.
I’m still mad at you for leaving. Especially at a time like this. Mom needs you. She hides it, yeah, but that’s because she’s Mom. You could have at least tried to be more responsible, at least tried not to lose money. At least buy her a proper birthday present. Or an anniversary thing. Or just a present for any damn reason. She deserves it. We deserve it. You still have that dumb promise of visiting the planetarium. I don’t really care about something that stupid, but at least keep your promises, Dad.
Sorry. I’ve become really critical of life lately and it’s not doing me any good. Mom was right to worry about me before you shut her up. I’m hopeless. Pathetic, even. Yeah, sorry you have to deal with having a failure of a son. I really need motivation, and I think I found one. Her name’s Gasai Yuno, and I think she likes me. I thought I liked her too, but now I’m not too sure how to feel. She’s a great person, a little protective, but I know you’d say that’s just a women thing. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. I think she came too easy to me. I love her and all, I think, but I don’t know why she cares about me. I know you’ll say something dumb and offensive about my confidence, so please just shut up for a moment. Just wanted to know that my life might slowly be becoming better.
We haven’t heard from you in a while. Just remember that we exist and that you still have that promise. Write more often. Tell Mom that you love her. I won’t forgive you for leaving her and you’re a really terrible father, and I hate you. But Mom still loves you so I can’t say that to her face just yet. But just you wait. One day you’ll realize how much we need you and you’ll come back and treat Mom like the princess she is. You might be in debt to a million other idiots, but you’re also in debt to her and you owe her more than money can buy. You owe her a happy future, and that will only come from owning up to your stupid mistakes. Yeah, I’m calling you an idiot, and I don’t really feel bad about it. I guess you can say your son’s going through a rebellious phase, but it’s not a phase. It’s the truth. I hate you a lot, and it’s your fault that Mom’s hurting.
Write back sometime. Stop getting in debt, old man. And when you get a good job and fix up your life, come back to Mom and make her happy.
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A swallow did not succeed in eliminating the tumbling feelings in his heart. It only made things hurt. God… To hell with emotions. He was such a terrible son, how could he possibly be critical of his parents when they only wanted the best for him? Well, yeah, he could mouth off Dad all he wanted because his father deserved it. But his mother… Eyes glazed with familiar tears. Further evidence to show that she was right in believing that he was an abnormal child. Absolute no trace of motivation of hope. What a loser. He threw the letters down to the cemetery headstones before fleeing, because to be honest, no one likes to see the tears of a failure.